hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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