You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
