$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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