I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
