A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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