We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
