Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
