Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My brain says no but my pants say off.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
