i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
