The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
