big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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