If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
