I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
