I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
