i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
