is your mom at the bar?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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