There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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