great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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