i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
