Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can I color on your dick again?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
