first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
