It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
