NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
