i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
