I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
