Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm passing your future prison.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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