I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
