I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
