This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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