I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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