I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My vagina is officially offended.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
