Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
