i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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