when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
