You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just had sex bonerless
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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