We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
two words...techno handjob
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
