HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
