you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
