He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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