i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
