I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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