battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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