its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
