watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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