atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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