I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
