Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
