Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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