do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
