He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
