dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
