Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
