I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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