my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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